Search
  • Pauline Kok

ONE DAY…

I received a terrible verdict, my heart and mind shocked to the core; it made me numb, it had me breathless as I began to float – somewhere, I’m not really sure.


I looked around, as I expected everyone around me to feel the same desolation I was feeling, but all around me seemed normal.


Except, I don’t feel normal.


I feel robbed—I feel unprepared—I feel punished, I feel myself falling, fractured, as I search to remember where ‘feeling whole’ went.


The next day is the same.


Thoughts wander in and out of my mind, as I struggle to find reality. Against my will, tears keep coming; so many, they lost their taste of salt.


My head hums. I try to escape, but don’t quite know how to do that. I wonder why and where I lost control and how do I get it back again.


The weather mocks my mood as it mimics my attempts to make sense of it all. The day is bleak and so I wander through my own dark thoughts. The frigid air mirrors the cold I feel deep inside. Only my frozen tears provide clarity while in my heart I repeat the same urgent prayer:


“God help me—help me to help him!”

10 views

Recent Posts

See All

CHRISTMAS CELEBRATIONS TODAY

From November onwards, it is impossible not to notice that Christmas is in the air. Sparkling colored lights decorate town centers and shops, while lampposts mast Christmas symbols like holly and cand

THE ACT OF KILLING

My parents were Dutch. That makes me Dutch also; but I am Indonesian-born – a country which a Dutch writer, Multatuli, named: ‘The Emerald Girdle’. Multatuli was famous for his satirical novel ‘Max Ha

Contact

Website by Strobe Creative